She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
