I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
