I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i believe in u and ur pee
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
