does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
