it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
