I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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