the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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