Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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