Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hippo gnu deer
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
