Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
