just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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