You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
