Girls should come with a carfax report
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
