Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
