make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
