i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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