She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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