what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
