he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
