Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
