So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
