you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Found your dick twin last night
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
