I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
