i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
