What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
