you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
