I heard we made out
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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