my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
