I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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