the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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