life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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