I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
