mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
