so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
