Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
