pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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