I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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