So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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