party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
