So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
