Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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