Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
