Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
