A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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