hotel room ftw
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
