the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish you could order shots online.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
