I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
