I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
