Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
