I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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