my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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