Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I AM VODKA MAN
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
