Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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