dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
