Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
