Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
