i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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