she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
