I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
