is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
