piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i came on her dog
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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