you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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