This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
