Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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