Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
