I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
