I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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