I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
